


How Do You Measure, Measure a Year?

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 01:12:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7993159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In truths that she learned,<br/>Or the times that he cried? <br/>In the bridges he burned, <br/>Or the way that she died?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do You Measure, Measure a Year?

**Author's Note:**

> Summary and total from Seasons of Love from Rent

**_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes  
_**_  
_ After finally getting off the drink, he goes back to one of his favourite hobbies. Drama. He joins a small community theatre group. Their current project is RENT. He gets the role of Roger. _  
  
**How do you measure, measure a year?**_  
  
On the night of his performance, he’s so stressed out he nearly turns back to the drink. They’ve been practicing for a year now. Rehearsing. He doesn’t turn back to the drink.  
  
**_In daylights, in sunsets  
In midnights, in cups of coffee  
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife_** _  
  
_ It is so good for him. They perform for five nights. His need for alcohol to deal with the stress lessens each time. By the end he’s far more excited for whatever the next project is than he is anxious or apprehensive. He fancies he can’t recall the taste of the whiskey that used to burn his throat. _  
  
**In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes  
How do you measure, a year in the life?**  
  
_ He’s so caught up in the excitement. He doesn’t really notice he’s been sober for a whole year. He hasn’t slipped once. He doesn’t notice till his ex congratulates him in one breath and proceeds to argue with him over custody of their daughter in the next. The ache in his chest returns. _  
  
**How about love?  
Measure in love**_  
  
He finds himself singing the RENT songs to himself quietly as he goes about his day. Sometimes he gets down when he remembers he is alone now. When he remembers he made a mess of his life. But most of the time… most of the time the songs make him happy.   
**  
_Seasons of love (love)  
Seasons of love (love)_** _  
  
_ He drifts in and out of love over the years. Stops going to the theatre group. Gets himself back up on his feet. Remarries. He’s flying again. He’s so happy. He has a family. And a best friend. Loved ones. _  
  
**Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes  
Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan  
**_  
Sometimes he goes to watch the performances of that theatre group. The times he pulls at MJN don’t allow for him to participate. He fancies that he would, if he could. He’s so thankful for all that this group did for him.   
  
**_Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes  
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?  
_**_  
_ He’s singing the day everything changes. He’s singing that stupid song. The musical’s name sake. If he is asked, he’ll say it is Martin’s fault. Martin’s fault for mentioning how he almost missed last month’s rent. Damn Martin and his attic in a student house. _  
  
**In truths that she learned  
Or in times that he cried**_  
  
He hasn’t cried real tears in many years. Not since his wife took their daughter away. Not since he got clean. He cries himself to sleep every day since the day his life changes forever, the day something goes wrong and he can’t fix it.   
****  
_In bridges he burned or the way that she died._  
  
It happens in slow motion.

_“Please, stay back, Mar-“_

An unrecognized voice. One of the students. He ignores it. Knocks against the door. The door swings open. He is frozen. The kid startles. The gun goes off in the kid’s hand. Martin gasps. Stumbles back. Falls. Blood. There’s blood everywhere.  
  
_“Oh god. Oh god. Oh god, Martin.”  
  
_ He watches. His body is numb. His body is unresponsive. He watches.   
  
_“Martin. Christ. Susan! Susan, call an ambulance! Luke, get Rachel to drop the gun!”_

Movement out the corner of his eye. He barely registers it. Unimportant. A gun goes off. A body hits the floor. Blood. There’s blood everywhere.   
  
_“Rachel. Oh god. Oh my god!”  
  
“Douglas. Douglas. He’s asking for you. Douglas.”  
  
_ A hand tugs at his arm. He goes. Hands on his shoulders. _Shove._ His legs give way. He falls. He is numb.  
  
_“Douglas…”  
  
_ He can’t find his voice. Can’t find his most constant companion. He can’t find his words. Wetness on his face, maybe it is tears, he thinks, mostly he knows it is blood.   
  
_“Douglas.”_  
  
A hand strokes his face. Seems to leech all the energy from his body. He slumps.   
  
_“Sorry.”_  
   
The hand falls away. Martin closes his eyes.   
  
Silence. People move around them. Later, he is sure people were talking. Later, he is sure there were noises. But in the moment, in the moment for him there is silence.   
  
He stares. His voice still betrays him, still eludes him. There’s a roaring in his ears, like he’s been underwater and has just breached the surface again. There’s a familiar pull in his chest. He knows better than to listen to it. His fingers twitch. He cups Martin’s face in his hand.   
  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”  
  
His voice, it returns to him, yet still manages to betray him in the way that it trembles. But what does that matter to him anymore? Martin is gone, even numb he can tell.   
  
“I’m sorry.”   
  
**_Measure in love_  
(Measure, measure your life in love**

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I made it clear? But basically, one of the students in the house became suicidal and retreated into Martin's attic to off herself thinking Martin'd be on a flight. Instead, Martin found her on his couch contemplating the gun, and he called a house meeting. Douglas walks in on it and startles the kid.


End file.
